I want...

I want a video camera. I want to make magic.

Kaptain...

Let me remind you...

"“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr. Seuss... This is still, and will probably always be, my favorite quote. Dr. Seuss's art teacher once got upset with him for looking at one of his paintings upside down. She said something to the effect that artists don't do that, so he left the class and never went back.
I share this quote and relate this story, because I admire them so much. I'm sick of getting crap for being myself and having my own opinions. I have been the same person for a long time now. I know what I like, I know who I am, and I am comfortable with me. I am not obligated in anyway to try and impress you or be the kind of person you want me to be, so stop acting like I do. If you want to jump through everyone's bullcrap hoops then go right ahead, but I won't be joining you.

Holy Holy...

This is one of my favorite spots in Salt Lake. If you don't know why, then you probably don't know me very well.

James Taylor in the dark...

I sat on the couch in Catie's house and listened to the James Taylor record. I really enjoyed it. James Taylor reminds me of my mother more than anything else in the world. She loves him. I also put on a Jim Croche record. I thank my dad for that one. "Every time I tried to tell you, the words just came out wrong. So I'll have to say I love you in a song." I love that i can like identify different people to things like this. I also use things like this to identify with myself. I listen to Modest mouse all the time, and i'm sure people get sick of it. I can't help it. It reminds me of me. It calls up memories of hearing old modest mouse songs in the skate videos I used to watch in high school. It reminds me of my friends at the time. It reminds me of lots of things. I liked me then and when I try to remember that it helps me like me now. I think we all need to be able to Identify with something. I think we need it so much that we will even cherish some of the worst things in life, Just cause they help to define us.

One more thing...

Believe or not, I write songs on a pretty regular basis. I never finish them or share them, cause I worry they are a bit emo. I try so hard to not be, but they always seem to end up that way. Good songwriting is the most amazing thing to me, so I would hate to try and suck. So anyways, here's a verse from one such song, I have music too, but i can't share that here. just tell me what you think and I will delete this in like a day or two. If it's too emo, please please tell me the truth. here it is:

Been seeing faces
In the empty spaces
between the clouds and the dark.

Thought it was God
Was probably wrong
You know the devil looks alike.

Gotten me down
Been cussin out loud
Can't think of anything else.

Hating the wait
They're always late
No one else seems to have a clue.

Creep master-creep...

I saw my intro to drawing teacher tonight at the Gallery 110 benefit, and i think i weirded him out big time. I was really excited to talk to him, because until his class I really didn't have a whole lot of confidence in my work at all. He was the one who told me I would be able to get into the art program if i just tried, that i should start painting, and that I had good ideas. He said at our final critique that my stuff was weird and that he would like to see a whole room filled with just different things i had done. It was seriously the best compliment I have ever received. Even my mom says i'm the weird one out of her sons. But he had praised me for it. Seriously out of everything in the last two years, his simple class has had the most profound effect upon me and my future.

So needless to say i wanted to thank him, but I may have overdone it. I didn't quite tell him everything that is written above, but it was pretty close. He was nice about it, but even kristi said he looked a little weirded out. I don't know why. I kind of would like to be a teacher myself one day, and if i ever do it I would only hope to inspire someone the way he did.

I think it all comes down to me. For some reason compliments, praise, and attention from me is creepy. I live in a world where admitting you recognize or remember someone isn't cool. I just try to be sincere and honest and I guess it's too much for people. I honestly believe people deserve praise for just being themselves. Everyone, if they are being themselves, is amazing! I guess I just want people to feel good about themselves, even if it means that I end up looking like a kook. I'm ok with being a kook.

Good Lookin...

I cheated a little on this...shh..don't tell anyone...

Retardo...

This is why I'm hot... You aint cause you not.

This is Hilleroy, if you couldn't tell. I want to DRAWL pictures of more of my friends. This is where you come in. If you give me a picture of yourself when you see me around, or email me one, i will try to doodle it. I warn you now, if i do take a shot at it, I will probably make you look much uglier than you actually are. I mostly do faces, so a good picture of your big fat head is probably the best thing. Funny faces are my favorite.

Ribs!

Kristi called this a self portrait.

Pulling at the invisible hair on my chin...

Cop.

Summer's dead.

I have been planning on going to San diego all summer for my roomate's wedding, and now that that is done and over with there isn't much to look forward to. The next big thing, I guess, is school starting. I can no longer live off saved money either. So despite how much "older and sexier" I feel it makes me look, the pathetic mess on my face I call a beard is gone. And come Monday, i will be looking to rejoin the work force. I watched monster squad again with caitie tonight, and it makes me really wish I was still 10 years old. I was pretty cool back then. I had this like "girlfriend" who was like a cheerleader for little kid football. You know you're cool when you "date" a cheerleader. i remember we were like absolutely terrified of eachother in real life, and the only interaction we had was like smiling and hiding from eachother at the roller skating rink. I was also pretty dang good at kickball back then. When your that old being good at kickball is like being like Wilt Chamberlain. And I don't have to tell you all about wilt chamberlain's luck with the ladies....

You missed out...

For all the nancies that wussed out on the sundance outdoor movie this week, you really missed out. The weather wasn't even that bad. And although we missed half the movie and couldn't pay attention to the rest of it anyways, it was all worth it. The only thing i really caught was the main character running around Completely naked in the wilderness chasing Wolves and Caribou. I still don't know why he was, but no matter what it was hilarious. Hillery gave it a rating of 4 out of 5 of her signature "Oh My"s.

Excited.

My face turned bright red, and i couldn't hide my smile. Everyone else laughed at me. It's ok though, if they felt my excitement they would have looked the same way. I hope I'm not the only one that excited. I have a few memories of similar excitement. I remember seeing another person skipping just to reach me in the parking lot of the movie theater. If you looked up the excitement i'm trying to describe in the dictionary or wikipedia or something like that, there would be a video clip of this memory cause it describes it perfectly. It's kinda like Julie Andrews running through the field in the sound of music. Maybe not as dramatic, but far more real, and just as exciting. It's the best. If we didn't believe in and hope for this kind of excitement, i think everyone would just give up, stop eating and drinking, and die. I believe in it. If it wasn't real how could I imagine it. Descartes believed in God using that exact same reasoning, and i think he was on to something... I have my own computer again and I will hook up the printer/scanner tomorrow. Hopefully I can put more pictures up. I like them. They are so much simpler.